Fantastic Doomed?

On a whim on our last night in Disney World, my family and I went to see Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I’d held out on seeing the film because I figured I’d feel exactly the same about it as I felt about the first film: I’d like most of the scenes that had nothing to do with Dr. Doom.

I was pretty close.

I liked almost all the scenes that had nothing to do with the bad guys.

I’m not such a fanboy that I griped about such things as who were the original X-Men, that Spider-Man has organic web shooters, or that Galactus is a cloud—spoiler alert, by the way, but it’s so late now that I assume everyone has seen the movie or has already had that little bit of news spoiled.

But, I will say this, as with the first film: every scene with Doctor Doom absolutely sucked me out of the movie and made me want to shoot myself in the face. Doom is the premiere villain of the Marvel universe. I mean, when they go and make a universe-spanning videogame (Marvel: Ultimate Alliance—more on that soon) he’s the main baddie for a reason, but the Doom of the film’s continuity is... well, I just can’t get behind the characterization and direction of him in the movies.

The primary problem is this: Doctor Doom is a super genius who takes over a freaking country by himself. He is a master of both technology and the mystic arts. He’s a ruthless bastard who is driven—to the point of insanity, really—to become the most powerful being on planet Earth as an extension of proving himself better than Reed Richards.

In essence, he is one royally bad dude.

But the Doctor Doom in the movie I just saw was a pathetic, whiny sissy. Admittedly, Doom is arrogant to the point of blindness—but the annoying haughtiness of the character (as well as the utterly superfluous lightning powers—what’s going on there?), I assume attempted to reflect this arrogance, comes off more as idiocy. Dr. Doom, a master genius, is stuck hiding in a back room to build a tiny device and then, to try and cover, throws a shirt over it? Every character should have faults, but Dr. Doom, Stan Lee’s professed favorite villain ever, should inspire more fear than that; instead he inspires... derision and mockery.

And that is the underlying fault of Fantastic Four. This movie tries really hard and that’s endearing. It has the right tone for a Fantastic Four movie, it’s corny and it’s fun and that’s good, but without enough explanation or sense of terror for Galactus himself and with Dr. Doom being a joke, it’s very difficult to feel any real danger for these characters, who, particularly in the case of Chris Evans as Johnny Storm (who easily the shining star of the movie—think of him as the anti-Dr. Doom), manage to transcend the mediocre, and at times groan-worthy, script to have genuine moments. Which, in the end, is really unfortunate, because this movie has heart—so I want to really like it—but it's just not enough to make it good, but is enough to keep it from being bad.

Oh, and Stan Lee is in it, too and he’s got a cameo right out of Reed and Sue’s comic book wedding. I liked that.

A story about hats and the future of websites.

I have a very long and very well chronicled love affair with hats. These are not over the top fancy crazy hats or anything. These are straight-forward simple sports-related baseball caps. I have four that I wear on different occasions (I am looking into purchasing a fifth) and they are: a Charlotte Bobcats hat—that off-blue color—but it’s not fitted; a touch-too-small black Carolina Panthers hat with a light blue bill that I’ve had since 1995; a black fitted Carolina Hurricanes hat I got after the playoffs last year when I realized my old hat didn’t fit anymore now that I had a lot of hair. And then there’s the Wake Forest hat.

I love, love, love, love, love my Wake Forest hat. It used to be this light purple-brown color. I don’t know what you’re supposed to call it, but that’s what it was. Over the time I’ve had it it’s become an off-khaki. I wear it every single day whenever I go out anywhere (except on certain fancy dates, but I have worn it with a suit before to school). However, the bill has begun to fray on what is most definitely the best Wake Forest hat—and therefore the best hat—I have owned in my long hat wearing career (a career which has included a number of Star Wars-related hats, other Wake Forest hats—most notably the predecessor to my favorite, which I lost out the window of Jessica’s car after a Ben Folds concert, a story recounted far too many times in my circle of friends—and an assortment of other un-thematically related hats). Thus, as my hat is beginning to fall apart, I decided I would go see if I could find another one, so as when the sad day did come that I would have to move on to a new cap, I’d at least have one to switch to immediately and not have to go through a dreaded hatless period.

So I turned my attention to the internet. On the bill of my hat was the maker’s website address and so I typed it in and went over to the site and I see my most dreaded enemy: a Macromedia Flash load bar.

Now, I do not have a problem with Flash. I love the application. It’s an amazing tool for the development of animation... but for the life of me I can’t figure out why anybody in the world would want to make a website using Flash.

To me, a Flash website signals a need to be something bigger than a website. You’re a locale, with fancy flashing lights and load screens. You’ve got imbedded music and elaborate animated buttons. These things are often used as a replacement for actual content. Of all the websites I visit on a daily basis exactly none of them are built using Flash.

I do not believe for an instant that these two tidbits are unrelated.

In trying to determine the best angle for writing this, I talked to the guys and Tony brought up some valid points that I’ll concede: Flash websites should be the sexiest thing on the internet. They have the potential to be—and this is a quote—“more interactive, and artistically expressive [than a ‘regular’ site]. They are capable of always looking dynamic, and not just a static image cut up into links.”

And all of a sudden it made sense to me.

The inherent flaw with these websites is in their inability to properly attain their potential. The hat website is made significantly uglier and more cumbersome because of the underlying realization that it could be awesome, because those of us that are familiar with Flash know the things it is capable of. Therefore, here is the big payoff: there is a connection between expectation and associated emotional response.

Yes, I realize we all know this and that’s not a big payoff, but the difference is that here the discussion is centered around an application and its capabilities and the proper usage of an application—an item which is, in theory, easily remedied. So what do you do?

First, as Tony suggested to me, access to Flash (or some present or future equivalent) is imperative. Having to download a reader is a major deterrent to site producers. Second, the barrier has to be broken. For instance, the Donnie Darko movie website from years ago created an internet experience, but its convoluted nature is obviously not what is called for when it comes to a simpler, information-driven website. A beautiful, “dynamic” information experience—devoid of lag and load times—by a heavily trafficked website—the Star Wars of websites?—is needed to open the door to the kind of website we all want to see.

And so there is my call to arms, inspired by Tony’s words and my frustration in trying to buy a hat. The tools are there, but are we ready to properly use them?